You’re absolutely correct that the official spec sets the mechanical requirements high enough that we consumers should be very pleased, but I strongly suspect that many manufacturers of USB C sockets are cutting corners to save costs.
Think about it: the reason Apple took that shortcut is that it’s just so easy to simply use the substrate that the data+power pins are etched on and not figure out how to get metal to go alongside the sides of the tab to form the ears. They’d probably have to use some kind of glue to glue the metal onto the non-conductive PCB tab. Either that or use a metal so rigid it would not bend over time or with accidents.
Also, even if they did go to this trouble, there is the question of the quality of the metal. The (indicated in blue) clips inside the plug are probably spring steel; spring steel is probably going to be harder than whatever metal they use for the ears, especially if they choose a cheap, soft metal that they can easily injection-mold rather that a rigid, harder metal that won’t deform or wear prematurely.
My strong suspicion is that in the real world, we consumers are running into many sub-standard USB C plugs and sockets around the world. Certainly my end-users are.
Thus, the real question of this entire thread becomes, though the Framework mainboard’s USB C ports may be rated to 10,000 cycles, are they really capable of achieving 10,000 cycles?
We know it’s not true for the Macbook, but what if Framework the company is buying connectors from a manufacturer that is selling them sub-standard connectors? Framework might not even know they are being lied to, if they are being lied to. (I am not claiming that they are, only that they might be.)
This may be where Apple benefits. Because they are just one company and they have very strong power to accept or reject Lightning ports from their OEMs, it is possible that the Lightning connector could be rated to lower mechanical specs than the USB C connector, but in the real world, we experience the Lightning connector as being superior because Apple is in a position to police its OEMs for quality.
Put another way, this could be where the “Universal” in Universal Serial Bus" is a weakness–the many different makers of connectors, all with an economic incentive to cut corners and no strong enforcer of the official standard, results in a real-world situation where consumers experience high failure rates.
Anyway, to the OP, I personally I do not think we have to be concerned even if the USB C sockets on the mainboard are sub-standard. We are insulated quite a bit by the expansion cards. It would be a very unusual end user to get so many cycles unplugging/plugging expansion cards on their soldered-to-the-motherboard USB C ports that they would wear out.