26… 26! 26 E-mails I had back and forth with customer support about this issue. To boot the mic and camera also weren’t working I noticed near the end of this journey. All I had to do was attach the cable at the green marker. I also redid te cable at the red one just for good measure. In none of those 26 mails with increasingly elaborate software diagnostics requests did anyone dare to suggest checking the cable. I’m not blaming anyone, I know everyone here is just doing their best job as they can. But damn does my resolution to this problem feel ironic and slightly frustrating. Thank you to the guy here on the forum that figured out it could be this cable! 
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